I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
