First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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