I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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