dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
