I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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