So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Of course I have a pirate flag
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
