i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
