We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
