Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
