he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
