then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
