loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
