why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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