It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Randomize
