I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
