Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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