in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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