Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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