Define "chronic" masturbator.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
