I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
