well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My breasts were aching with rage.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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