Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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