She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize