You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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