My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize