from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
