fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
