dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
