no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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