I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We smell like vodka and hangover
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