she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
