I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
