Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
