just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
