i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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