do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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