Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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