My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Duck Duck Cougar?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
