i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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