Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
try to milk me bitch
Randomize