Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
