Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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