Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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