I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
