The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
