A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
