do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
