Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
