these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
