i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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