I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
