I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
