I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize