I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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