i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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