Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
