My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
