My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
