he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
