Apparently you make a good broom.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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