Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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