A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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